Market Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'He's chasing the market.'

A fortune cookie for investors...you may lose your appetite for stocks.

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

Why markets crash.

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

Jumping Wall Street.

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

"AXP 0.78, AIG 1.12, T 2.63. . ."

"Market euphoria is at an all time high."

Stock Market Research and Analysis

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'Don't blame me, turkey - I've never been near Wall Street.'

Wall Street Investing.

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

'Fresh eggs!'

Bull Riding on the Stock Market

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'