Bear Market Humorist Gifts

'Don't blame me, turkey - I've never been near Wall Street.'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

An exaggeration of estate agents

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

Stock Market Research and Analysis

Trickledown economics

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Office of economic forecasting.

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"I've downsized."

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'We buy and sell them.'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

Papa bear plays the stockmarket.

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

'He's chasing the market.'

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."