Bear Market Guru Gifts

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Business is off the chart.

Sub-prime Bear

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

'Time to buy.'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

Business News.

'Sell South Africa!'

'I'm afraid the stock price gods are not happy Ralph.'

Warren Buffett

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

The early days of Warren Buffett.

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

'Don't blame me, turkey - I've never been near Wall Street.'

Japanese economic policies advocated by Shinzo Abe.

'Don't let our profits go south. You know what I'm like when we get in the RED!'

Phobia Clinic: Now treating Dow 15,000 acrophobia.

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

'Let him yell. I've brought him his Wall Street Journal every day for 6 years and hasn't given me one tip yet.'

If only we could sell shares in doom and gloom.

'I left, the day I retire, in the hands of the Dow, NASDAQ and Fred.'

'My advice is: Hold on to your stock so you can look back at this and laugh.'

'Don't give me all that bull about a strong market - I said sell!'

"Oh, just sitting back and letting algorithms do all the stock trading."

Papa bear plays the stockmarket.

"Up a hundred and sixteen points! If only we'd had the foresight to invest ten minutes ago."