Bear Market Guru Gifts

'What's this I hear about you going long?'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Business is off the chart.

Sub-prime Bear

'Time to buy.'

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

Business News.

'Sell South Africa!'

'I'm afraid the stock price gods are not happy Ralph.'

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

'Don't blame me, turkey - I've never been near Wall Street.'

Japanese economic policies advocated by Shinzo Abe.

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

"Oh, just sitting back and letting algorithms do all the stock trading."

If only we could sell shares in doom and gloom.

'I left, the day I retire, in the hands of the Dow, NASDAQ and Fred.'

Phobia Clinic: Now treating Dow 15,000 acrophobia.

'My advice is: Hold on to your stock so you can look back at this and laugh.'

'Don't give me all that bull about a strong market - I said sell!'

Papa bear plays the stockmarket.

"Up a hundred and sixteen points! If only we'd had the foresight to invest ten minutes ago."

"Now, where was I? Oh yeah - interest rates..."