Shopping Comedian T-Shirts

"D'you want to take me out tonight?"

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Shopping! Now that's what I call quality time!"

Only One Item or Fewer.

Pirates at the mall.

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

"How much is the sign?"

"Let's just get through the first aisle...then we'll discuss your impulse buying."

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'

Low income vampires.

Great moments in shopping

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

'It's you.'

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

Fresh milk - Self service

Sign in the front window of a shop that reads "50% off all worthless merchandise".

Crap Nav

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

Woman walking past Five Guys.

'Which eight do you want?'

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

Missing Person: Last seen shopping