Grocery Shopper With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

"After this long list of additives it lists the expiration date. Does that pertain to the product of the person who eats it?"

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Friendly bacteria

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

'The stuff legends are made of'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Man stands in front of rows of kangaroos next to a sign that reads "Final Clearance - Entire stock of kanagroos".

Eye of Newt Helper

Santa checking out sleigh beds.

Low income vampires.

Fresh Food and Regurgitated

"I know I've matured because I choose to purchase my own candy instead of stealing my children's."

"Louie 'Three Fingers,' Tony 'The Chin,' Joey Alfonso... Dang it, Vinny, you brought me the hit list instead of the grocery list!"

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

"I need one of them and one of them..."

Free Range / Deranged

That was 16 items.

Self Checkout

'I don't understand how our grocery prices have inflated 15% yet you've inflated 25%'

"Today is catch-your-own day."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

Christmas food.

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

Do me a favor - don

Beverages. Drinking Water. (Some Assembly Required.) Oxygen. Hydrogen.

Woman has man in shopping trolley

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

Fish counter: sole/solemate.

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

"I said bring back a tin o'tuna, you big dope!"

Meats