Story Scribbler Gifts

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

Will Self deprecation

"It took me 4 years to finish my book!"

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"I've decided to cut out the middleman and self-publish."

Multi-Tasking

'Anorak anoraks'.

Replacement Bus Spotters.

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

Bird Watching with Binoculars

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Hans Holbein

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

'Honestly, I didn't mean any of those things I wrote about you in my diary last night!'

How to create a brilliant cartoon

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

Writer’s Corner

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

Hollywood director.

"Bible studies class? We're still writing it."

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

"Would it hurt you to take two minutes from writing code to write your grandmother?"

"It's the worst case of writer's block Sidney has ever had. He hasn't put a word on the page since fifth grade!"

'It's not his name - It's what he does all the time.'

A pen spewing letters

Recycling Station: Manuscripts.