Thought Scribbler Gifts

"But I have a hard time calling this real writing."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"I've decided to cut out the middleman and self-publish."

Replacement Bus Spotters.

'Anorak anoraks'.

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

Bird Watching with Binoculars

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Hans Holbein

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

Will Self deprecation

Musical Prodigy

'Honestly, I didn't mean any of those things I wrote about you in my diary last night!'

How to create a brilliant cartoon

Screenwriters, Inc. Send this revised script to Rupert Murdoch! Right! I'll fax the fix to Fox!

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

Anna Burns

"Would it hurt you to take two minutes from writing code to write your grandmother?"

A pen spewing letters

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

Recycling Station: Manuscripts.

"We have pills for some of that."

"Please stop signing your monitor's screen. There is a proper way to sign a document someone emails you."

"It took me 4 years to finish my book!"

"Careful - it's full of lies."

Chicken soup for the bloggers soul.

'My blog has its own blog.'

Monk with a crucifix pen.

The Poet

Scribbling Rivalry.

James Kelman