Diary Scribbler Gifts

Dear diary, something momentous happened to me today, but it wasn't funny. Life-changing, yes; hilarious, no. So, bowing to pressure from certain parties who shall remain nameless

'Honestly, I didn't mean any of those things I wrote about you in my diary last night!'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'Anorak anoraks'.

Replacement Bus Spotters.

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Will Self deprecation

Now that I've written the book, could you put in a good word with the sales team's muse?

Sponge Blog

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

Anna Burns

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

Writer’s Corner

"Dear Diary, finished reading the novel, got a bit of weeding done, had 'The Big Conversation' with the wife… HA! Just kidding. Slept."

"It's the worst case of writer's block Sidney has ever had. He hasn't put a word on the page since fifth grade!"

A pen spewing letters

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

"We have pills for some of that."

Dear Diary...Royal Diary

Kate Atkinson

"It took me 4 years to finish my book!"

"Day 573 of the project: Let's just say there are many, many, many, many ants and leave it at that."

Chicken soup for the bloggers soul.

'What's taking him so long?'

'Dear Diary, Well... I'm still looking for Mrs. Alright...'