Stock Survivor Gifts

Ailtrack

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

In and Out Tray

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

Between Offices

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

The Buck Never Stops.

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

Sub-prime Bear

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

'Mr. McCoy has been expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he should be with you within the next 6 hours.'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'FIre me and you're in big trouble. I'm on the endangered species list!'

"When I got laid off, the corporation enlisted me in the army."

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

"Monday is too far from Friday. Yet Friday is too close to Monday."