Market Downturn Survivor Gifts

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'Oh, no! It's all in euros!'

Sub-prime Bear

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'That's where they keep all the money I don't have anymore.'

"Here, we realized it was not some awful fever dream."

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

'McWit Plumbing and Lite Puff Pastries.' The only way to survive in today's economy it's good to diversify.'

Fairy Tales. The piggy bank's been smiling a lot lately. He's the only one who didn't lose his savings in the stock market meltdown.

'How long's he been out there?'

'Back in the day, you could leverage . . .'

"Phew! I'm glad this part of the ride is over..."

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

"Dow-Jones Index...Dow-Jones Index..."

'Am I glad to be back - austerity's gone mad out there!'

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

Economic casualties.

Didn't know as much about the market as I thought I did.

"Okay, the market took a dive. No reason to panic, Mr. Spielman."

"Let's first talk about how you could have done worse."

Sign reading "Bought High; Sold Low."

'And the good news is - we're in deep doo-doo.'

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

"Right, all those in favour of a car boot sale."

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

Jetsgo out of business.

'If the market should go down really deep, I'll be well prepared!'

"I think it's nice the way we divide the pain in to four equal parts."

'Because in this economy you make a few compromises for job security.'