Economic Downturn Survival Gifts

'How long's he been out there?'

Mario Draghi

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'Oh, no! It's all in euros!'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'I've been sent by the board to ask if you'd be willing to cut your symbolic one dollar a year salary to fifty cents.'

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

'That's where they keep all the money I don't have anymore.'

"This just in! Due to downsizing, the mega-merger of Consolidated Industries and Humungous Corporation has been changed to a simple bankruptcy."

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

'McWit Plumbing and Lite Puff Pastries.' The only way to survive in today's economy it's good to diversify.'

"Here, we realized it was not some awful fever dream."

"Phew! I'm glad this part of the ride is over..."

'Am I glad to be back - austerity's gone mad out there!'

'We don't have a mission statement. We have a survival plan.'

Didn't know as much about the market as I thought I did.

"Okay, the market took a dive. No reason to panic, Mr. Spielman."

'And the good news is - we're in deep doo-doo.'

"Right, all those in favour of a car boot sale."

"Perkins, sometimes consistency is not a virtue."

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

'What gives you the idea we're on a sinking ship?'

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

Nation of Has-Beens (and Never-Will-Bes)

'Bad news I'm afraid...You've got the worst inheritence for a generation.'

'This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up.'

By camouflaging himself, Ed was able to avoid being a victim of the company's massive layoffs.

'If the market should go down really deep, I'll be well prepared!'

Jetsgo out of business.

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

'Because in this economy you make a few compromises for job security.'

"I asked Bill to accompany this presentation with something in a haunting minor key."

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

Coming out of the crisis