Business Downturn Gifts

'I thought it would be appropriate to have a magician as we went down.'

'OK, I'll admit I have no people if you'll admit you have no people.'

"I asked Bill to accompany this presentation with something in a haunting minor key."

Mario Draghi

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'Oh, no! It's all in euros!'

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'I've been sent by the board to ask if you'd be willing to cut your symbolic one dollar a year salary to fifty cents.'

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

'That's where they keep all the money I don't have anymore.'

"This just in! Due to downsizing, the mega-merger of Consolidated Industries and Humungous Corporation has been changed to a simple bankruptcy."

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

'How long's he been out there?'

"Bad news, sir. The public isn't buying our new Pork Ala King."

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

Sad businessman with sinking profits

'We don't have a mission statement. We have a survival plan.'

Didn't know as much about the market as I thought I did.

"Okay, the market took a dive. No reason to panic, Mr. Spielman."

'And the good news is - we're in deep doo-doo.'

"Right, all those in favour of a car boot sale."

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

"Perkins, sometimes consistency is not a virtue."

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

'What gives you the idea we're on a sinking ship?'

'And here is the effect spiraling energy costs, reduced consumer confidence and limited access to credit is having on our company.'

Trade School. Going to trade school after our real estate business collapsed was a good idea! These days it's all about "vocation, vocation, vocation"!

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

Nation of Has-Beens (and Never-Will-Bes)

'If the market should go down really deep, I'll be well prepared!'

"Does anyone have a Plan B?"

'Crisis'

'How dare you suggest that I'm running this plant into the ground.'

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'