Company Downturn Gifts

'This doesn't look good.'

'And here is the effect spiraling energy costs, reduced consumer confidence and limited access to credit is having on our company.'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'Our company has hit an iceberg and is sinking fast. Of course, it's all very symbolic.'

'Oh, no! It's all in euros!'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'That's where they keep all the money I don't have anymore.'

'How long's he been out there?'

"Bad news, sir. The public isn't buying our new Pork Ala King."

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

Sad businessman with sinking profits

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

'This doesn't look good.'

'We don't have a mission statement. We have a survival plan.'

"Of course, I'm not suggesting that you should also bail."

Didn't know as much about the market as I thought I did.

"Okay, the market took a dive. No reason to panic, Mr. Spielman."

'Hey, when you announce pay cuts like these, you've got to expect a few howls of protest!'

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

'The facts speak for themselves: My opinion however is in the accompanying letter with your redundancy package.'

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

'And the good news is - we're in deep doo-doo.'

"Right, all those in favour of a car boot sale."

Office conversation

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

'Everyone's feeling a little overwhelmed. They've doubled our workload without increasing the size of our staff.'

'Crisis'

'How dare you suggest that I'm running this plant into the ground.'

"My hunch is heads will roll."

"Does anyone have a Plan B?"