Stock Market Survivalist Gifts

Economic casualties.

'You're my broker, what now? I was prepared for every financial scenario except Armageddon.'

"I think it's nice the way we divide the pain in to four equal parts."

"Dow-Jones Index...Dow-Jones Index..."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Desert Island Meals.

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Problem Solving: Man rows desert island to land.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

'Arf! Arf!'

Sub-prime Bear

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

"Yes, I'm alone."

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'I'm glad to see you've started building a boat.'

'I hear they're letting you go. Your family must have paid the ransom.'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

Anti stress week: For God sake don't miss it!!

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

'I know Lazarus software retrieves lost data, but I don't think it helps when your dog eats your homework.'

"Yes, we're stranded here... but think how healthier we are eating nothing but fish!"

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

Bob liked a challenge, and the shipwreck gave him something to get his teeth into.

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'