Stock Market Survivalist Gifts

Economic casualties.

'You're my broker, what now? I was prepared for every financial scenario except Armageddon.'

"I think it's nice the way we divide the pain in to four equal parts."

"Dow-Jones Index...Dow-Jones Index..."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Desert Island Meals.

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Problem Solving: Man rows desert island to land.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

'Arf! Arf!'

Sub-prime Bear

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

"Yes, I'm alone."

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'I hear they're letting you go. Your family must have paid the ransom.'

"Yes, we're stranded here... but think how healthier we are eating nothing but fish!"

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

Anti stress week: For God sake don't miss it!!

'I'm glad to see you've started building a boat.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

Bob liked a challenge, and the shipwreck gave him something to get his teeth into.

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."