Corporate Survivalist Gifts

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

Beached Whales

"The only time I let my staff show fear is when they're trying to save their jobs."

White-Collar Chain Gang

Anxious businesswoman headed to 'another fun day at work'

"Put your fears to rest. We won't be reducing any personnel, just salaries."

'You were thinking about a raise, Hargraes? How interesting. I was just thinking about firing you!'

'Boy, when Gormley, Cadwallader & Fitzhuge outplace you, they don't mess around.'

Don't worry Harris, if we do start cutting back you'll be the first to know.

'I hear they're letting you go. Your family must have paid the ransom.'

'This doesn't look good.'

'We provide this relaxing courtyard for employees to explore their freakouts.'

"Big raise!"

'Halberstam became 'Employee of the Year' because he died behind his desk instead of calling in sick. What a bloody swot!'

Anti stress week: For God sake don't miss it!!

'We all have our failures. Some of us just have people to absorb the blame.'

"Don't take it personally, we're laying off thousands."

"It's not just you, it's the middle class."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

Late/Too Late.

In and Out Tray

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'