Corporate Survivor Gifts

17 Days Without a Reorganization

'Watch your step, Bob. It looks like the company's trying to cut payroll expenses again.'

"What choice do we have? I can't fire him. He knows too much."

Don't worry, Bob. There are some jobs a robot just can't do...like kissing ass.

'I find it's best to just stay out of office politics.'

"So how are the cut-backs affecting your department?"

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

'Your job will be to make me look good. Against all odds.'

'Here's Arthur now - I'll put him on. I guess he must have had a board of directors' meeting.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

"You wouldn't know it to look at me today, but I was once part of a massive restructuring plan."

"I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people."

"We've laid off half our staff. Can you do the job of two people?"

"I'm told that you respond very well to intimidation."

"Let's go around the room and say what we should be doing other than sitting in this meeting."

"You know, I reaallllly hate it when he micromanages."

"It's his first day back at work."

Can you get out blood stains? I attended a rather contentious board meeting.

Cubicle Slavery

'Your department is running three weeks behind, Ferguson -- these heart attacks have got to stop!'

Business man to lady: 'I thought the meeting was thorough and complete. I didn't understand a word that was said.'

Didn't know the call was on speaker phone.

'Where do I see myself in five years? Well, if I make it through this day...'

'You're a warm compassionate human being, Watson, you're just not going to cut it here.'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'Jenkins, the company feels it's time we offered you the opportunity tofind a better job...'

"I just want to say that I appreciate the way you're blamed for everything."

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

"You've done a good job downsizing, but we've decided to outsource your function."

Big fish eating the weekend.

"I don't know how you do it. If I had your job, I'd go nuts."

"That's it. I'm taking the buyout."

'I know we said we'd get you a laptop, but this will have to do until business improves!'

'before you go Jenkis, could you just finish off your report on Office Morale?'