Corporate Survivor Gifts

17 Days Without a Reorganization

'Watch your step, Bob. It looks like the company's trying to cut payroll expenses again.'

"What choice do we have? I can't fire him. He knows too much."

'I find it's best to just stay out of office politics.'

Don't worry, Bob. There are some jobs a robot just can't do...like kissing ass.

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"So how are the cut-backs affecting your department?"

'Here's Arthur now - I'll put him on. I guess he must have had a board of directors' meeting.'

'Your job will be to make me look good. Against all odds.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"You know, I reaallllly hate it when he micromanages."

"I'm told that you respond very well to intimidation."

"It's his first day back at work."

"I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people."

Can you get out blood stains? I attended a rather contentious board meeting.

"We've laid off half our staff. Can you do the job of two people?"

"You wouldn't know it to look at me today, but I was once part of a massive restructuring plan."

"Let's go around the room and say what we should be doing other than sitting in this meeting."

"I just want to say that I appreciate the way you're blamed for everything."

'Your department is running three weeks behind, Ferguson -- these heart attacks have got to stop!'

Didn't know the call was on speaker phone.

Cubicle Slavery

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

'Where do I see myself in five years? Well, if I make it through this day...'

Business man to lady: 'I thought the meeting was thorough and complete. I didn't understand a word that was said.'

'You're a warm compassionate human being, Watson, you're just not going to cut it here.'

'Jenkins, the company feels it's time we offered you the opportunity tofind a better job...'

"That's it. I'm taking the buyout."

"I don't know how you do it. If I had your job, I'd go nuts."

Big fish eating the weekend.

"You've done a good job downsizing, but we've decided to outsource your function."

11 Ways To Avoid Chapter 11.

'I know we said we'd get you a laptop, but this will have to do until business improves!'

'I've fired the entire company except you, Jerkins. You'll have more work without pay, but you do have job security.'