Corporate Retreat Survivor Gifts

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats!"

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"The meeting will come to order."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

In and Out Tray

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

'My team likes to see me spring into action.'

The Buck Never Stops.