Corporate Retreat Survivor Gifts

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats!"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"The meeting will come to order."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

Group Think Time

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"Always remember...it takes teamwork to get me that promotion!"

The Corporate Ladder and the Corporate Elevator.

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

In and Out Tray

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

"Fine - you don't want to run in the corporate 5K - I get it. What about the corporate cage fighting team?"

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'