Corporate Life Survivor Gifts

'Now read that back to me.'

Headphones Strip 3: Here's to retirement

"Can't imagine retiring. It's bad enough being semi-retired."

"The good news is that we found extra storage area. The bad news is that it's your office."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Storm in the out tray

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

Working hours.

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

"At this office no two days are different."

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."