Office Life Survivor Gifts

'It's OK, we all make mistakes. The important thing is that you learn to cover your tracks.'

'Damn copier broke down again!'

Office Lunch Menu - Bite of sandwich, sip of drink.

'Does that mean you don't like my offer, sir?'

"The earliest I can give you is three weeks away - can you stay ill until then and not waste the doctors time?"

"First time I've ever been told to clean out my desk, and I wasn't getting fired."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'That's our mission statement.'

In basket-case.

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"