Worklife Survivor Gifts

"I was married to that job for forty years. . . only to have it run off with a younger man!"

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

Working Late

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

'Little has changed since you called saying you had to work overtime. Except John Wayne died. Oh, and there's a new thing called the 'Internet'.'

"We were unwinding, and Frances come unwound completely."

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

Work/Personal Life Balance Beam

The other digital divide.

"That will be the gold standard by which all other naps are judged."

'Anybody who has a life, gets more work.'

Holiday-Cancelling Headphones

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

'My work-lifestyle balance is shot, I'm either working or I'm dead!'

'I do the work of three men...how about giving one of us a decent salary?'

The Need for Delegation

"It's our latest targets...We have to do twice as much with half the stuff in a quarter of the time!"

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"I can't stop conducting random security checks."

"Can't imagine retiring. It's bad enough being semi-retired."

"There are 168 hours in as week and I work 184."

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

"We've been milked all day at the office. Now we girls deserve a little R&R."

'Word has it that you have an ulcer, Tomkins. Nice going! You'll find an extra 20 bucks in your paycheck.'

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

"You'll be pleased to know you haven't got any homework this evening."

Hour Glass

'It's OK, we all make mistakes. The important thing is that you learn to cover your tracks.'

'My life is around here somewhere.'

"Help, I'm being micro managed."