Career Survivor Gifts

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

'Really?! You didn't get fired today, either?! That's 60 days in a row! I'm so proud of you!'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

In and Out Tray

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

Between Offices

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

The Buck Never Stops.

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Mr. McCoy has been expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he should be with you within the next 6 hours.'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"Monday is too far from Friday. Yet Friday is too close to Monday."

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

"When I got laid off, the corporation enlisted me in the army."

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

'FIre me and you're in big trouble. I'm on the endangered species list!'

"I don't know how you do it. If I had your job, I'd go nuts."

Man with jumper reading 'Caution - Contents under pressure'.

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'