Human Resource Survivor Gifts

'Hold the Ferguson report. Ed's had enough information for the day.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"I feel your pain."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

A man is in an office, behind him is a glass box containing a glass and a bottle, there is a sign saying 'in case of emergency'

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"Wow - you say you're a workaholic, but your office says it's time for your vacation!"

"We should have taken the cubicles."

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"Everyone seek higher ground! The paperwork is rising to a dangerous level."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

Office Weather

"I may be incompetent. But, if you fire me there'll be no one who knows less about this company than you."

Getting through the week.

"Granberry, you're about to suffer a near-death experience!"

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

Twisted Peel works overtime.

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

"When everyone's an 800 pound gorilla, nobody's an 800 pound gorilla.".

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

"I don't understand, having a pulmonary embolism isn't on his to do list!"

Exhausted employee

"I hate when she drags herself to work. Am I supposed to feel guilty?"

"I'm putting you in charge of this project because you're already miserable."

"I am totally ready for this presentation."

"That will be the gold standard by which all other naps are judged."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'