Human Resource Survivor Pillows

'Hold the Ferguson report. Ed's had enough information for the day.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"I feel your pain."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

A man is in an office, behind him is a glass box containing a glass and a bottle, there is a sign saying 'in case of emergency'

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"Wow - you say you're a workaholic, but your office says it's time for your vacation!"

"Everyone seek higher ground! The paperwork is rising to a dangerous level."

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

"I may be incompetent. But, if you fire me there'll be no one who knows less about this company than you."

Office Weather

Getting through the week.

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

"Granberry, you're about to suffer a near-death experience!"

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

"When everyone's an 800 pound gorilla, nobody's an 800 pound gorilla.".

Twisted Peel works overtime.

"I don't understand, having a pulmonary embolism isn't on his to do list!"

Exhausted employee

"I hate when she drags herself to work. Am I supposed to feel guilty?"

"I am totally ready for this presentation."

"You need to work on your self-esteem but you're probably too stupid for that as well."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"That will be the gold standard by which all other naps are judged."

"I'm putting you in charge of this project because you're already miserable."