Workplace Survivor Gifts

'Nobody has seen as many employees and CEOs coming and going as you have, Higgins. How long have you worked here now?'

"We really crushed it at that meeting, didn't we?"

"Help, I'm being micro managed."

"I'm just basking in the glow of my not screwing anything up today."

'I won't have to put up with this aggravation anymore... I was fired!'

'I've changed my mind, Miss Jepson and I ORDER you to open the window!'

'It's from your boss...he says 'get well or get lost'!'

The Gulag Archicubicle.

You're lucky you took the buyout. I was downsized.

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"If you wouldn't mind seeing my secretary first, for an appointment, and book my cardiac in."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

Working hours.

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

In and Out Tray

"I feel your pain."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

A man is in an office, behind him is a glass box containing a glass and a bottle, there is a sign saying 'in case of emergency'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

The Buck Never Stops.

Between Offices

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."