Workplace Survival Gifts

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

In and Out Tray

Late/Too Late.

"I feel your pain."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

A man is in an office, behind him is a glass box containing a glass and a bottle, there is a sign saying 'in case of emergency'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

The Buck Never Stops.

Between Offices

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

"Wow - you say you're a workaholic, but your office says it's time for your vacation!"

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"Everyone seek higher ground! The paperwork is rising to a dangerous level."

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

"I may be incompetent. But, if you fire me there'll be no one who knows less about this company than you."

Office Weather

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"How have you managed to keep your job?"