Workplace Survival Gifts

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

Late/Too Late.

"I feel your pain."

In and Out Tray

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

A man is in an office, behind him is a glass box containing a glass and a bottle, there is a sign saying 'in case of emergency'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

"Wow - you say you're a workaholic, but your office says it's time for your vacation!"

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

Between Offices

"We should have taken the cubicles."

The Buck Never Stops.

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

"Everyone seek higher ground! The paperwork is rising to a dangerous level."

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

Office Weather

"I may be incompetent. But, if you fire me there'll be no one who knows less about this company than you."