Office Survivalist Gifts

Being a team player is a good thing, until the project goes horribly wrong.

"Turns out the training budget has been cut, so we'll continue doing things the stupid way for another year."

With the office space available, we have no choice but to believe in teamwork!

'Oh, we tried a nurturing corporate culture, but we found the law-of-the-jungle mentality is what keeps our competitive edge..'

No employee is indispensable, but Doreen came pretty close.

'Identify those with leadership potential. I need to eliminate the competition.'

"Hi, I'm Cindy, the company's most toxic employee!"

'Just remember. . . work harder, work smarter and more importantly, you may have to work for less.'

'The secret to success in this company, Al, is knowing when to speak your mind, and when to just blend into the background!'

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

Stress-generating warning about upcoming stress management seminar.

IT department

Secretarial violence.

'What exactly is the latest on the assisted suicide debate...'

'Fresh interns have arrived.'

'When they went from cubicles to open office, people started interrupting my work all day. I had to install a wireless electronic dog fence so that I could finish my work.'

Late/Too Late.

"He goes way back. Apparently his species has no known natural enemies."

"Before we start: Phones on mute. Go-bags under your chairs."

'Can I at least have a minute to decompress?'

'I don't dare leave my desk. Someone's waiting to pounce on my job.'

Christmas / " Are you still here, Simpkins ?"

"Okay, we all know how this is done. There are 4 of you and only 3 regional manager openings. Margaret - start the music."

'It's an important post, I think three day interview followed by two role plays and group interview with the partners.'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"After a brief power struggle, I was the only one left standing."

"Yes, you are talking to a real person – at least I was one when I came to work."

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"I feel your pain."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

A man is in an office, behind him is a glass box containing a glass and a bottle, there is a sign saying 'in case of emergency'

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"We should have taken the cubicles."