Business Survivalist Gifts

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

65 Million Years Ago

Late/Too Late.

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

Cafe Burns.

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

Anti stress week: For God sake don't miss it!!

'I hear they're letting you go. Your family must have paid the ransom.'

With the office space available, we have no choice but to believe in teamwork!

No employee is indispensable, but Doreen came pretty close.

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'I hate evolution!'

'McWit Plumbing and Lite Puff Pastries.' The only way to survive in today's economy it's good to diversify.'

The trap

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

Prepper Dog

'Oh, we tried a nurturing corporate culture, but we found the law-of-the-jungle mentality is what keeps our competitive edge..'

"Hi, I'm Cindy, the company's most toxic employee!"

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

'I am sorry Davis, your bonus is a bit different this year, its all down to cashflow; but you can take your pick.'

'This doesn't look good.'

"You will note that their ability to comprehend, assess and process information increases dramatically when Professor Podhertz throws in the cat."

"Just junk mail."

"The cat walking business didn't go anywhere! Neither did we."

'I'm telling you, this is a tough place to work. Pass the pepper spray.'

"Well, they're circling counter-clockwise, so we must be in the southern hemisphere."

Desk Request

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'