Small Business Survivor Gifts

'I'm sorry. The CEO can't come to the phone right now. He's entertaining some prospective clients over lunch.'

'I am sorry Davis, your bonus is a bit different this year, its all down to cashflow; but you can take your pick.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

In and Out Tray

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

Late/Too Late.

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

Between Offices

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

The Buck Never Stops.

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

Miniature Design Shop: Think Small.

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Mr. McCoy has been expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he should be with you within the next 6 hours.'

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"

"It was a mom-and-pop, but we inherited it."

"Monday is too far from Friday. Yet Friday is too close to Monday."

'FIre me and you're in big trouble. I'm on the endangered species list!'

"When I got laid off, the corporation enlisted me in the army."

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."