Corporate Survivalists Gifts

'My dad says job security and company loyalty are an urban myth.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

In and Out Tray

Late/Too Late.

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

The Buck Never Stops.

Between Offices

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

Cafe Burns.

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

'Mr. McCoy has been expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he should be with you within the next 6 hours.'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

'I hear they're letting you go. Your family must have paid the ransom.'

'FIre me and you're in big trouble. I'm on the endangered species list!'

Anti stress week: For God sake don't miss it!!

"When I got laid off, the corporation enlisted me in the army."