Financial Survivalist Gifts

'Attention!!! You wolves down there!!! Get away from my door!!! I'm doing the best that I can!!!'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

Bankruptcy Court: Lousy Credit Score is OK.

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

Late/Too Late.

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

Office worker pushing a pile of papers on trolley.

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'I was thinking-what if the tide's OUT?'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

'I hear they're letting you go. Your family must have paid the ransom.'

Anti stress week: For God sake don't miss it!!

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

With the office space available, we have no choice but to believe in teamwork!

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'I hate evolution!'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

The trap

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

'McWit Plumbing and Lite Puff Pastries.' The only way to survive in today's economy it's good to diversify.'

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

'Oh, we tried a nurturing corporate culture, but we found the law-of-the-jungle mentality is what keeps our competitive edge..'

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

"Hi, I'm Cindy, the company's most toxic employee!"

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

"Back to school can bring on the summertime blues."

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

"Dow-Jones Index...Dow-Jones Index..."