Student Survivalist Gifts

"I have a lot of student loans to pay back."

Milestone in a college student's life: 'Hey! I just got my first collection agency letter, dunning me for my credit card debt!'

'You should have read the cookery book for teenagers. It's pretty short: 'Take the food off the package before you microwave it'.'

'I came to university to get an education and all I've acquired is debt.'

"It's official"..."It's a drought!"

'Thank-you God.'

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'I know Lazarus software retrieves lost data, but I don't think it helps when your dog eats your homework.'

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

"OK then, I admit it. Installing the log burner was a bad idea!"

Working Environment

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

"That's the worst case of Cabin Fever that I've ever seen. Luckily, spring is right around the corner."

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

Man gets round hosepipe ban by showering in the garden

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"Back to school can bring on the summertime blues."

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

"Keep in mind that it was put there by the sharks."

'I see a lot of that at this time of year...you've got a nasty case of cabin fever!'

"There seems to be a difference of opinion as to how to implement the co-operative learning program!"

"I wish school was more like TV."