College Survivalists Gifts

Freshman Ryan Brenneman was having a tough time acclimating to life away from home.

'Thank-you God.'

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

'I know Lazarus software retrieves lost data, but I don't think it helps when your dog eats your homework.'

"Yes, I'm sure of my 3 wishes - I wish I had a pen, I wish I had paper to write a 'rescue me' note, and I wish I had a bottle to send it in"

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'Straying from the subject, Danny, is not distance learning.'

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

"Back to school can bring on the summertime blues."

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

"Keep in mind that it was put there by the sharks."

Milestone in a college student's life: 'Hey! I just got my first collection agency letter, dunning me for my credit card debt!'

"There seems to be a difference of opinion as to how to implement the co-operative learning program!"

'Stop! Wait 'til he finishes cleaning my teeth!'

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

"I wish school was more like TV."

The Hard Drive Ate My Homework.

"Our computers will be down for an hour, so I advise everyone to hide under their desks. The last time it was total anarchy until we were back online."

"Now do you believe me?"

'It's called sustainable living. He can survive for days out here.'

Publish and Be Damned

"Second grade is tough, little brother. It's the year teachers no longer believe your dog ate your homework."

'Are you sure this is just a mirage we're crawling through?'

"Summer is going by too fast. I'm Googling how to slow down time now, and speed up time during the school year."