Campus Survivor Gifts

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Evil Exams!

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

Garrett knew it was important to jeep his brain from overheating during big tests.

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

Examinations.

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

'I wasted a lot of time in graduate school to get this job.'

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

Biology Revision - Arse / elbow.

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

'Want to hear something scary? This is the third time this week I've gotten off the bus and still remember what I've learned.'

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

"And what did my little darling do in school today?"

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

"And to finally break free from the crippling burden of my student loans."

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

'The only thing I'm sure of is death and taxes and home work.'

'Hmmm, everyone seems to have prepared for the exam except for Thomas who's making a long face now.'

"Sure I know what it adds up to. It adds up to another 'C' for Eddie Goldbeck."

"I don't want to go back to school; other people are my kryptonite."

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."