Academic Survivor Gifts

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

Beat Me, Kick Me, Make Me Do Story Problems.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Evil Exams!

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

Examinations.

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'I wasted a lot of time in graduate school to get this job.'

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

Biology Revision - Arse / elbow.

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

'Want to hear something scary? This is the third time this week I've gotten off the bus and still remember what I've learned.'

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

"And what did my little darling do in school today?"

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

"So this is it...the first day of the new school year. I guess studying, tests and report cards are still the hot things around here."

"And to finally break free from the crippling burden of my student loans."

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

'Hmmm, everyone seems to have prepared for the exam except for Thomas who's making a long face now.'

'The only thing I'm sure of is death and taxes and home work.'

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

"I don't want to go back to school; other people are my kryptonite."