Finance Survivor Gifts

"All in favor of changing out name from '17th Federal Savings & Loan' to 'Still Here Bank'..."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

Evil Exams!

In and Out Tray

Garrett knew it was important to jeep his brain from overheating during big tests.

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

Between Offices

The Buck Never Stops.

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Mr. McCoy has been expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he should be with you within the next 6 hours.'

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"When I got laid off, the corporation enlisted me in the army."

"Monday is too far from Friday. Yet Friday is too close to Monday."

'FIre me and you're in big trouble. I'm on the endangered species list!'

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."