Financial Loss Survivor Gifts

'Your 401 (K) went down the drain, but if it's any consolation, you can keep the commemorative cup.'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000... Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000...

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

Student Debt

'McWit Plumbing and Lite Puff Pastries.' The only way to survive in today's economy it's good to diversify.'

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Trevor, it's some gentlemen to see you about your student loan.'

"All in favor of changing out name from '17th Federal Savings & Loan' to 'Still Here Bank'..."

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

'Look at my new overdraft its fantastic.'

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

The sixth college sense. 'I see debt people.'

'What do you buy the man who has lost everything?'

'I'm working on a ten year degree. Four years in school, and six years to pay off my student loans.'

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

'I think that's enough enlightenment for now Tim!'

'Because in this economy you make a few compromises for job security.'

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

"How much would it cost if I don't take classes but just live in a dorm with a meal plan?"

"It's a rags to riches story. He started with $80,000 in student loan debt, and now he has a job and moved out of his parent's basement."

'Didn't listen to my investor's advice.'

"Oh, they sent me to the best obedience school...now I have to dig my bones to pay the loans."

'Student debt??? You ought to see my campaign debt!'

College tuition fees.

"Nothing in my hat. Nothing up my sleeve. And as of right now, ladies and gentlemen, nothing at all left in my goddamn portfolio."