Profit Loss Survivor Gifts

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

In and Out Tray

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

Between Offices

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

The Buck Never Stops.

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

'Mr. McCoy has been expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he should be with you within the next 6 hours.'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

"I'm afraid that following the audit, Mr. Davis is no longer with us... On the bright side, the corner office is now available!"

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

'FIre me and you're in big trouble. I'm on the endangered species list!'

"When I got laid off, the corporation enlisted me in the army."

Man watches sales chart drop through the floor.

"Monday is too far from Friday. Yet Friday is too close to Monday."

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"I don't know how you do it. If I had your job, I'd go nuts."

Man with jumper reading 'Caution - Contents under pressure'.

"Trying to get new business is killing me..."