Job Seeker Survivor Gifts

'You're overqualified... so you'll have to act stupid.!

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

With the mine closing down due to Emission concerns...somone had to shake their booty to keep food on the table.

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"'Can correctly complete a CAPTCHA image 8 our of 10 times.' Any other skills?"

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

"Help, I'm being micro managed."

Virtual interview.

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

'Besides a great smile, do you have any other qualifications we could consider?'

"I love your enthusiasm but we were actually looking for someone who could do the job."

'Really?! You didn't get fired today, either?! That's 60 days in a row! I'm so proud of you!'

City Dump: Resumes.

"I'm about as mainstream as you can get. I go to church, I'm all for the family, I hate Saddam Hussein, and I'm unemployed."

Careers Advice

"Dear Helen, Freelance works remains lucrative, but stressful."

Number two pencil, pretending to be a number one, fears that his deception has been uncovered.

You're lucky you took the buyout. I was downsized.

"I'm just basking in the glow of my not screwing anything up today."

"Where do you see yourself in 5 to 10 years?"

'Nobody has seen as many employees and CEOs coming and going as you have, Higgins. How long have you worked here now?'

'... Yes, but when we said we were looking for 'hungry applicants', we meant hungry for success.'

"I suppose my one weakness is I'm far too forthright, Tubby."

"We want someone who can lead in a crisis, but doesn't."

'Tell one more person where to go and you're fired.'