Job Hunting Survivor Gifts

"I'm not supposed to say anything, but you really aced this round of the interview process."

"Marvin is in the group who has given up trying to find work...and that was before the recession!"

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

Resume Dumpers

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

With the mine closing down due to Emission concerns...somone had to shake their booty to keep food on the table.

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"'Can correctly complete a CAPTCHA image 8 our of 10 times.' Any other skills?"

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

"Help, I'm being micro managed."

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

'You're overqualified... so you'll have to act stupid.!

Virtual interview.

"He gave me an 'F' on my resume."

'Besides a great smile, do you have any other qualifications we could consider?'

"I love your enthusiasm but we were actually looking for someone who could do the job."

'Really?! You didn't get fired today, either?! That's 60 days in a row! I'm so proud of you!'

City Dump: Resumes.

Number two pencil, pretending to be a number one, fears that his deception has been uncovered.

You're lucky you took the buyout. I was downsized.

On paper, all applicants were very impressive. . . but clearly some were more experienced than others!

"I'm about as mainstream as you can get. I go to church, I'm all for the family, I hate Saddam Hussein, and I'm unemployed."