Job Seeker Struggles Gifts

'From your resume I see that you are qualified but, in these economic times, we're considering only overqualified applicants.'

"I'm having trouble contacting your references. They're all in solitary confinement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

How are you at decision making?

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

In and Out Sourced.

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

Between Offices

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"I don't like your application."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.