Employment Struggles Gifts

'Right now I'm between equal opportunities.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

37 years in the same position.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Work Slave

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

In and Out Sourced.

Between Offices

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

Day one, post grad