Employment Issues Gifts

The Contract Culture: 'Jump.'

"Baldo, you deserve this raise. But please don't tell anybody what I'm paying you."

"Yes, I've lost weight. I don't have time to eat because I have to work three jobs to buy food."

"Of course we pay a living wage....as long as you only live four days a week!"

Part-time workers.

'It was a bad day at the office, I got the sack so I decided to burn the building down killing everyone, and now I'm being charged with arson and 73 counts of murder.'

'I need a hug. I was laid off at the fish factory.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'I've gotten reports several of our employees are trying to make us look bad by applying for food stamps.'

'. . . but I didn't belong to the union, so a scab stole my job!!'

Job security, that's a laugh. Even the office furniture was made of straw.

EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'While my reserve unit was guarding the Iraqi border, an illegal alien took my job.'

Welcome to our town - a great place to live ,work and be outplaced.

Dolestart - A New Initiative

"We don't disclose what we pay until you sign a contract committing to work for us for a year."

Flunkey asking for a larger salary and not happy to be compared to a lower order of clergy

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

37 years in the same position.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

Work Slave

In and Out Sourced.

Between Offices

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'