Workplace Issues Gifts

Management: The illusion of control. Middle Management: The illusion of Usefulness. Wage Earners: The Illusion of Being Appreciated.

'I want more transparency in the workplace.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

'It's nothing personal, Finnegan ? I'm firing all unattractive male personnel.'

'Ageism at work'

'Why did you leave your last job?'

Ann didn't know whether to be flattered or flabbergasted when it took two men to replace her.

I think it�s a dummy chart to stop us from asking for a rise.

'Health benefit? Didn't you get a personal first aid kit when you started working here?'

'The alarm didn't go off, my car wouldn't start, missed the bus, my back's aching, haven't had a raise in two years ...'

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

'You know that unbreakable tie with one's company...'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Before we take this any further, have you any previous?'

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

"I've got bad news: The captain has assured us that we're not being replaced by automation, and that we have job security."

Employee receiving compensation

'How can they call it a shared sacrifice in this bad economy...when your pay cut was 10% and mine, 25%?!'

'It's spring, Boss! When a young man's fancy turns to union organizing!"

"A serf? We don't call you 'serfs' anymore. Nowadas we call you flexibly employed staff members!"

"I know that you've got many mouths to feed but I can't give you a raise. My mouth is much bigger and greedier."

"It's equal pay for equal work. You both do low work so you get low pay."

"It's just that I feel like a man trapped inside a woman's salary."

"Top brass have committed to 40$ women in senior posts, but my firm have told me not to get my hopes up!"

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

"I was married to that job for forty years. . . only to have it run off with a younger man!"

'Well, the new contract appears to be a win-win, just not for physicians.'

"Can I get a raise before I have to apply for social security?"

"If you call in sick, a portion of your pay will be deducted to pay your temp."

"How’s the coffee, Harding?"

"Armstrong, I've worked here for a long time and I think I deserve a raise. How about it?"

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

Take Your Daughter to Work