Workplace Worrier Gifts

"We're moving you from payroll to fear and paranoia."

'Next, they'll be taking our jobs.'

"I can always tell when there's something on Ferguson's mind."

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

I.T. Fear

Nervous Oral Testing

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

'How can they call it a shared sacrifice in this bad economy...when your pay cut was 10% and mine, 25%?!'

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

"I hate my job and I'm terrified of losing it."

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Concern Chart

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

Expensive health care

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

"Crap in" and "crap out"

'Ageism at work'

"The boss complimented Bob today... but now he's afraid if he talks to him again he'll say something stupid and ruin it!"

'Doc - this isn't going to cost me a lot - is it?'

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'