Workplace Worrier Pillows

"We're moving you from payroll to fear and paranoia."

'Next, they'll be taking our jobs.'

"I can always tell when there's something on Ferguson's mind."

Nervous Oral Testing

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

I.T. Fear

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Gym. It doesn't help when you call the ab workout a "journey to the center of the girth."

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'How can they call it a shared sacrifice in this bad economy...when your pay cut was 10% and mine, 25%?!'

You read me a story about a workaholic little engine, and you expect it to make me sleepy?

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

"I hate my job and I'm terrified of losing it."

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

'You're fired. The test results came back and you tested positive for crack.'

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

Expensive health care

"Crap in" and "crap out"

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

Concern Chart

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."

'Ageism at work'