Employment Dispute Gifts

'I'm not sure we can afford these tribunal fees; you're going to have to keep a job.'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"We need a union!'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

Dolestart - A New Initiative

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

'It's a suitability test I give all flexible working requests.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"We don't need no stinkin' unions...I saw it on the internet."

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'How can they call it a shared sacrifice in this bad economy...when your pay cut was 10% and mine, 25%?!'

worker rejects promotion to protect deniability

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

'I'm sorry, Bennett; but we gave the job to O'Toole. You have the know-how, but he had the know-who.'

When collective bargaining is outlawed!: 'To work here, you have to wear this metal collar!'

'Here's a signed statement from Vince Cable saying we can get rid of underperforming employees more easily.'