Employment Lawyer Gifts

'For some strange reason personnel want us to review our equal opportunities employment policies!'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'You'll like it here, Clayton. In fact it's one of our rules.'

'I believe the courts have recently ruled that asking questions of an applicant, during an interview, is illegal.'

'We need to get an equal pay expert in...'

'We like to greet our Regulatory Compliance hires with one word - help.'

Age discrimination in job recruitment.

'We'll save a fortune in employment tribunals.'

'The next disciplinary committee might not be so lenient.'

'I can't remember whether I'm retiring or training today!'

'Now...let's have our little talk and avoid a tribunal.'

'Unfortunately my staff are now all working flexitime.'

'You're a credit to this firm, Miss Button and through no fault of your own you're also a liability.'

'I was just giving her a few examples and she passed out.'

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

'I've had a ramp installed.'

'I didn't do the paper work necessary for you to get paid because I figured you don't need the money since your husband also works.'

'I don't think the employment tribunal will be altogether happy with the third column.'

'Conduct dismissal was what I had in mind...but it's just too damned complicated.'

'How do you like THAT disparate impact?'

'Tell me do we actually employ anybody who isn't a protected species ?'

'We've been sacked!' (Employment tribunal)

"Good luck with your interview. And remember, they can't discriminate based on how many lives you have left."

Human Resources versus Other

"So that's agreed then, we don't need to make any changes to our equal opportunities employment practices!"

'On reflection, maybe I shouldn't have threatened him with an unfair dismissal claim.'

"Just a simple test to determine whether you're self employed or not...What day of the week is it?"

Staff Cuts - "Why me and not you?"

'I don't bloody believe it !'

'Is that Net or Gross ?'

'You can't agree on who gets maternity or paternity leave...'

'I need time off to cycle to a vegan picnic at Stonehenge.'

'Would suit a school leaver...I am a school leaver, I left school in 1968!'

'It's this annual, two week, non-paid, working vacation, I have questions about.'

A crude holiday ?...If your client is so inclined, he should pay for it himself.