Employment Law Consultant Gifts

'Your memo says you've taken a vow of silence.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"We need a union!'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"We make crime pay."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

The Devil's in the detail!

"Everybody's impressed with how you can shred incriminating documents into one long strand."

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

Your position has been outsourced, Blue bottle...if you wish to continue working for us...may I suggest relocating and taking a 600 pay cut.

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'It's a suitability test I give all flexible working requests.'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."