Employment Consultants Gifts

'I'm sure you are proud of being a world record holder. But having 7,935 different employers in one month isn't something I'd put on my resume.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I hate performance review season."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"What do you mean it's not 'Thong Thursday?'"

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

Your position has been outsourced, Blue bottle...if you wish to continue working for us...may I suggest relocating and taking a 600 pay cut.

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

Standardisation: "I don't understand...it fitted us OK!"

Over enthusiastic headhunter