Employment Consultant Gifts

'Luckily for you, we're only taking on temporary staff right now.'

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

Employment - 'I've tried public and private. Got any other sectors?'

'In the future, everyone will have a job for fifteen minutes.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"You can have your old job back if you can find where we outsourced it."

'Before you start negotiating for your client. I should remind you.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

Employment Bureau: Closed Due to Staff Shortages

Equal Opportunities: 'Sure I am -- I'm a minority of one!'

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

"Well, how do you think the interview went?"

'I might be good working at a gym or in shipping. My old boss was always telling me to shape up or ship out.'

Will work for 6-figure salary, excellent health care plan, and generous retirement package.

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

Man loses his job at the Job center

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

'Hang on, I think your employer may have increased it's sanctions against you.'

Employment Office. I see by your resume that you don't stay in one place very long.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"My email is down... talk to me."

British savings accounts

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."